Reconsidering The Gift Of Giving

With the holidays just around the corner, I have been doing a lot of thinking about what it all means to me this year. Holiday shopping is such an overwhelming experience! Even with the piped-in Christmas music playing, meandering through crowded malls in search of the perfect gift isn't any fun! I mean, really — despite these tough economic times, most of us usually buy whatever we want all throughout the year, anyway, don't we? Where is the joy in buying a gift for someone out of a sense of obligation? Isn't it true that the anticipation of receiving and the process of giving is diminished when we already have everything we could possibly need?

How often do you find yourself asking "What in the world can I get for so and so?" The reality is that if we have to wrack our brains to come up with a gift idea for someone, chances are they really don't need anything! Accumulating material things feels good in the moment, but shortly afterwards, the little "high" that we experience leaves us feeling depleted, so we need to buy more things to temporarily fill the emotional/psychological void. It becomes a vicious cycle that the retailers bank on!

Recently, a friend of mine suggested a book to me that addresses this very issue, entitled, Thrive: Finding Happiness The Blue Zones Way, by Dan Buettner. This author traveled the globe to identify how people around the world achieve happiness and lead fulfilling lives — and guess what? It has nothing to do with material possessions or a high level of income! It has to do with "attitude" and "gratitude" — being thankful for what you already have, and then experiencing a sense of fulfillment that results in a positive attitude. Okay, so, don't we all already know that... at least, deep down inside? 

Listen to what happened to open my eyes last night.

I took my son to Target to spend a gift card he just received for his birthday the day before. As we entered the toy department he was very excited to browse the aisles and search for just the right toy to buy. After quite a long time, when I urged him to "Please choose something," he looked at me and his eyes filled with tears. 

"I can't choose. I only have $25 and the things that I want cost more than that," he said.

Toys, especially the Lego sets he likes, are very pricey, but that wasn't the underlying issue. The reality is that my son has gotten almost everything (within reason) that his little 8-year-old heart desires. As he walked the aisles, nothing seemed "right" because he has been overindulged! He instantly sank into a depression right there in the store! He began to cry and said, "I don't know what to choose!" Wow! This was supposed to be a fun outing to pick out a birthday gift, and somehow it evolved into a very unhappy situation for both of us! 

Then, this morning, while I was on Facebook, something else happened. One of my friends put up a post asking if anyone had any gift ideas for her 11-year-old son, because he didn't ask for anything this year and didn't give her any indication of what he might like for Christmas. Whoa! There seems to be a trend here... kids don't know what they want for their birthdays or Christmas?! 

Maybe that's because THEY DON'T NEED ANYTHING!!! Oprah would certainly say this should be an "Ah-ha moment" for all of us! Anyway, I made a comment in response to her question suggesting that maybe he could donate some of the money that would have been spent on his gifts to someone in need.

Of course, as I was typing this on FB, I realized that perhaps I need to take my own advice! What a great opportunity this could be to let my own children experience the very special feeling that comes when we give to others.

Crossroads Rhode Island, an organization that provides shelter, basic needs, and support services to the homeless, sent me a donation envelope the other day. Although I have contributed in the past, this time I tossed it in the recycling bin thinking "things are too tight to donate this year." After I am finished typing this today, I am going to fish that envelope out of the blue bin and talk to my kids about making a donation in their names this year. What's one less gift under the tree really matter to them, anyway? A small donation to Crossroads can mean a hot meal, a blanket, or mittens for a homeless child.

Isn't there a story about two homeless parents named Mary and Joseph who didn't have a place to stay before the birth of their son? How about donating to a family or child in need in rememberance of them? 

The warm fuzzy feeling you will get is bound to last much longer than the fleeting excitement of accumulating more stuff! And, just think, it will mean there will be one less object that you have to pickup off the floor, or find room for in your closet, or toy bins! 

If you feel moved to do so, donations to Crossroads can be made at www.crossroadsri.org or you can call 401-277-4327. A gift of only $15 will buy warm socks for three homeless people. Their feet will feel warm and toasty — and so will your heart!