Quit while you're ahead:

A man could have walked away with a simple no-trespass order last weekend if he had not bid a Johnston police officer with some unkind parting words. According to reports, the 30-year-old man had been banging on the windows and doors of a Johnston home, prompting the homeowner to call police and request a no-trespass order. When officers arrived, they reportedly found the man trying to hide behind a boat in the driveway. As one of the officers told the man to leave the property, he reportedly replied with expletives, which landed him in handcuffs on a disorderly conduct charge.

Baby on board for bank robbery:

This East Providence mother probably won’t be in the running for “Mom of the Year” any time soon. According to EP police, the 34-year-old woman robbed a credit union last week. She was wearing a wig and allegedly claimed to have a bomb. The woman reportedly took off in a red pick-up truck before being caught by police three hours later. During this whole ordeal, the woman’s three-year-old child was reportedly in the getaway car.

One-legged bandit robs garage:

This is a first for OMG PD: an allegeld one-legged robber. According to Cranston police, a man with one leg who uses crutches broke into a garage through a rear window. The man reportedly made off with a plunder of $100 in cash, a digital camera and other items. Police believe he may be a regular of the public bus transportation services. He is described as in his 40s and balding and lacking a right leg.

Family feuds during football:

This season’s NFL games have left many football fans fuming, including a father-son duo in Woonsocket. According to reports, the two had been drinking while watching football before engaging in a heated argument in the kitchen. The son reportedly broke off a ceiling fan blade in anger and punched his father five times. (It is unknown if the argument was sparked by the terrible calls made by the NFL replacement refs.)